Should You Do a First Look? An Honest Answer

A first look is a private moment before the ceremony where you see each other for the first time, with only the photographer there. Photographers tend to push them hard. We do not, because for about half the couples we work with it is the wrong call.

What it actually buys you

Time, mostly. If you do a first look, the couple portraits and often the wedding party photos happen before the ceremony — which means when the ceremony ends you go straight to your own cocktail hour instead of disappearing for an hour while your guests drink without you.

• —An hour back in your own reception
• —Portraits while hair and makeup are still perfect
• —A private moment with no audience, which some couples find easier
• —A buffer if the day runs late — and it will

What it costs

The aisle. Some people want their partner's face at the back of the church, in front of everyone they love, and no amount of extra cocktail hour is worth trading it. That is a completely legitimate answer and nobody should talk you out of it.

It also costs you an earlier start. A first look means being ready roughly 90 minutes before the ceremony instead of 30, which usually means hair and makeup starting earlier, which usually means less sleep.

When we say do it

• —Your ceremony is at 5 PM or later in winter — the light is gone right after
• —You have a large wedding party and a long family list
• —You are the kind of person who would rather cry once, privately, than in front of 150 people
• —Your venue closes its outdoor areas at dusk

When we say skip it

• —The aisle moment matters more to you than the schedule
• —Your ceremony is early enough that there is plenty of light afterwards
• —Your family would find it strange, and their reaction is part of your day

That last one comes up more than people expect in the families we photograph. In a lot of the weddings we shoot, seeing each other before the ceremony reads as wrong to the grandparents, and that matters. It is your day, but it is not only yours.

The middle path nobody mentions

You can do a first look with someone other than your partner. A bride and her father. A groom and his mother. Both sets of parents seeing their child dressed, before the crowd. Those are frequently the most emotional photographs of the entire day, they cost fifteen minutes, and they take nothing away from the aisle.

You can also do a first touch — around a corner or a door, holding hands without seeing each other. It keeps the aisle intact and still gives you a private minute before the noise starts.

Whichever way you go, decide before you build the schedule, because it moves everything. The wedding day timeline guide has both versions laid out hour by hour.